A letter to a discouraged girl.
November 30, 2006
Dear Anne,
First of all, I would like to say that you may not be treating yourself fairly. I say the reason why you think you are a coward is because you went into hiding and everyone else is suffering outside the ‘Secret Annexe’. It’s not your fault because your dad was smart to take the action to go into hiding. Personally, I don’t think you’re a coward at all. I think you’re brave because you were able to cope with the entire stress of staying with the people you don’t really like. I think it is mature of you not to get angry easily at people who are not exactly on your ‘good people’ list. That was a good move. I know people can get on your nerves a bit, sorry, a lot sometimes, so you have to be patient and you did just that. I wish I could be as mature as you sometimes with my brothers and parents because I tend to have constant friction between them and me. I have to learn to be patient with them as well, like you do. That is why I don’t think you are such coward.
Cheer up, appreciate life. For one second you’re complaining, then another you’d be dead. Sometimes we have to look at the better things in life and be happy that we’re alive and well. Sometimes I feel the same way you do. I wake up on a Monday morning; feeling frustrated at God knows what. I find fault in what everybody does and then I throw a tantrum. I know I’ve done all those things and now I look back and say, why I ever thought of doing that? I always have no reason to why. That is why, whenever you feel bad, once again, think of the good things in life and be happy that you’re living, breathing and healthy. I mean, you could be those unfortunate people who are about to die of hunger, with nothing to eat except the scraps of food lying around on the cold, dark streets. You should be happy because you’re safe from danger, like bombings and fires. Children are looking around heaps of ashes and rubble, due to destroyed buildings, looking for their parents, and only to be disappointed by utter failure. There are so many other possible reasons why you should be happy about being alive, and being on this earth, which God created. Another thing you should be aware and proud of is because you are a good friend. I say this because you know you have no hope of ever seeing Lies again, but you still keep on praying for her. That is what I call an example of a good and loyal friend.
So to conclude my letter to you, I please ask you to cheer up and be happy. If you were to follow my advice, I would assure you that you will always have something to smile about, no matter what the circumstance, anywhere, anytime.
From your good friend, Jed
Filed under: Anne Frank
Jed,
I & C: I really think that your idea is well backed up but you could have used more details to back it up. But as a whole it was really good and i enjoyed reading this a lot.
O: Your Organisation was really good and I could really tell what you were talking about and I found this piece of work very well written in this way. I feel that your opening and closing passages were well written and i liked them a lot.
V: Jed I think that your voice was great and i feel as if i could have know that this was your writing without even having to look at your name it sounded so much like you!!
Overall a great job!
Hannah
W.C.
I think your word choce was functional and appropriate. Sometimes i felt that your words energized your writing. However, i did not look at your words and was shoked how a fouteen year old boy could use a word like that. Thus i think you can spent some time developing your words.
S.F.
I felt your writing had an easy flow and rhythm. I thought it also had good vaiety in lengh and structure. I was impressed how you can write the letter so smoothly. I felt as if you were next to her encouraging her. I did not have to stop onece of confusiton. Nice work.
C.
I belive that you had a strong contrl of conventions. You had very few errors which are very minor. I think that you really tired to revise it instead of editing it. Great job.
Word Choice: Amazing word choice (no offense, but its much better than what I expected) , you seem to have used the right word whenever you had to! You really console Anne Nicely. Easily quotable: ‘cheer up. Appreciate Life!’ is a great way to put things. Not easily achievable, perhaps naive in a way, but reflects upon a great optimist personality.
Sentence Fluency: your sentence fluency was good, but maybe you could work on it a bit. Try linking some sentences, and changing the order. However, your word choice makes this much less noticeable
As for conventions, i see no visible problems…
overall, great job!
Conventions: